


(un)reality

by talesofeden



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Genre: Complicated Relationships, Incest, Kissing, M/M, Shared Dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-28
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-12 02:49:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,379
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29752944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofeden/pseuds/talesofeden
Summary: Should his heart be racing like that if it's just a dream?(Tenn and Riku share dreams but Tenn makes his life hard for himself.)
Relationships: Kujou Ten/Nanase Riku
Comments: 8
Kudos: 19





	(un)reality

When Tenn opens his eyes there’s no one to greet him but the familiar darkness of his own bedroom.   
The only light at this time comes from the moon shining through a gap between his curtains. It’s barely enough to make out the shapes of the furniture but it brings him back to reality.   
One where this is a completely quiet, ordinary night and Tenn is alone in his apartment.

(Of course. Where else should he be?)

And yet his heart is beating fast enough for him to hear the blood pulsing through his ears. 

He dreamt about Riku. Again.  
It’s not something he would ever talk about, but he dreams about him a lot more than he would like. 

Actually, that’s wrong too. 

Rather, the unpleasant truth is, he dreams about him more than he would like to like. More than he should.  
Though, it’s always been like that. 

He had these dreams even before he left home but they were nothing compared to those in the first year after he left. 

_“Tenn-nii, don’t go!”_

_“Tenn-nii, why did you leave?”_

_“Tenn-nii, when will you come back?”_

_“Do you really hate me, Tenn-nii?”_

Just remembering that makes him shudder.  
Each night he found himself in a place of their childhood, looking into Riku’s eyes and watching the tears gather in them until he couldn’t say anything without breaking down into a sobbing mess.   
And each time Tenn reached out to him, just to be rejected again.

_“If you don’t even want to come back home to us, I don’t need you.”_

Never once did he tell Kujo about these dreams. After all, Kujo was a busy person. And he chose Tenn because he was strong, not because he wanted a cry baby who comes running to him because of some nightmares.

Luckily, it got better with time.   
Tenn doesn’t remember when, but at some point Riku stopped crying every night and started asking about Tenn’s life. 

_“Do you have friends, Tenn-nii?”_

_“How is school going?”_

_“Is it hard?”_

Tenn still couldn’t do anything but look away when Riku asked if they could meet again and then Riku would still give him these long smiles filled with sadness and almost… pity.   
But everything was better than going through the pain of leaving Riku behind every night.   
And if he had to be honest, he started to enjoy talking to Dream Riku.   
It’s not like there were a lot of people (at least of those he could talk to), who cared about his daily life and unnecessary worries, and in the end those were just dreams.   
No one could judge him, aside from Dream Riku who would hold back a giggle when Tenn told him an especially silly thought. 

Back then as today he would never admit to it, but his dreams became a safe haven where he found solace and stopped thinking about the thoughts plaguing him in his daily life.

At least until one day, when he told Dream Riku about Kujo’s plans to get Tenn back to Japan soon.   
It was an awkward night, especially after Tenn rejected another one of Riku’s invitations to meet up, since they would be so close again. 

(That was the one rule he never broke. Don’t get Riku’s hopes up. Even if it’s just a dream. Don’t get his, or better, your own, hopes up.)

So they just sat in silence after that and Tenn almost expected the dream to end there. Looking back, it would have been better if it did.   
But instead Tenn felt Riku’s eyes resting on him. More precisely, on his lips. 

And despite Tenn’s best efforts he did an extremely poor job at acting like he didn’t notice that look. 

“Why don’t you look at me properly?” Riku had asked and Tenn’s answer, at first, was silence. 

But Riku didn’t let him off like that and leaned closer to him. Closer than Tenn would allow himself to get, even to Dream Riku.

“Well, if we can’t meet then…”   
Before Tenn could process what happened Riku’s lips met his for a moment that felt both too long and too short at the same time. 

“Then I’ll have to be fine with this.”

The last thing he saw before the dream started to fade was Riku’s face, softly smiling but with his eyes glassy as if he could start to cry any second.

That, Tenn thought at the time, had to be the cruelest his subconsciousness has been to him. At least until that point.   
Because what was worse than kissing Riku in his sleep was stopping himself from giving in and doing it again every time Dream Riku attempted to reach out for his touch.

From that day onward his safe haven became just another painful reminder of his selfish wishes and the lengths he goes to to protect them.   
A reminder that Tenn Kujo didn’t mind hurting others if it was necessary in order to keep up the illusion of control. 

But illusion or not, he managed to maintain it. No matter how often he had to reject Riku, or the idea of the two of them in general, he did it. Over months and even years he didn’t give in, neither to self-fabricated temptations nor the real Riku.

Because when Tenn Kujo hurt someone it was only for the greater good.  
After all, he knows what’s right and what’s wrong and he doesn’t do wrong things.   
Or so he thought until today. 

Right now his heart is still beating way faster than it should on a quiet, ordinary night. And although he knows very well that’s impossible, it’s like he still feels a fleeting shadow of Riku on his lips. 

He lost control tonight.

If he had to give an excuse as to why, he would say he was just unprepared.   
In the past months he didn’t dream about Riku a lot and didn’t expect it to happen today either.  
But that’s just that, an excuse. A bad one at that. 

The truth is that he gave in. 

He knew this night would end badly in one way or another from the moment he found himself in IDOLiSH7’s dorms. To be exact, in Riku’s room. 

Though he had been there before he was still surprised how well his brain built the scenery from memory. Only for a moment though, since in the next one he noticed Riku.  
He was sitting across from him on his bed, patting the space next to him.

“You don’t need to stand, Tenn-nii, come here!”

But just because Tenn had the feeling this wouldn’t end well didn’t mean he wouldn’t try to change that. Because wasn’t that what he always did? Trying to stop the inevitable from happening?

So he shook his head and leaned against the wall, avoiding Riku’s eyes by staring at the floor.  
Maybe he could bring himself to wake up, if he concentrated on it.   
It usually worked, even if just a little too late. All he needed was a moment to focus.

Judging by the way Riku was shuffling around though, he didn’t even think of leaving him alone. 

“You know,” Riku got up and walked towards him, “we haven’t seen each other in a while.” 

Tenn wasn’t sure if Dream Riku was referring to himself or his real counterpart but both would be correct so he just nodded as apathetically as possible, still hoping to wake up, rather sooner than later.

“I missed you, Tenn-nii.”

This Riku would be so much easier to deal with if he didn’t sound that much like the real one, Tenn thought without giving a response.

The way he looked, the way he talked, his manners even down to the way he tilted his head when he was deep in thought, like right now.   
If it wasn’t for that Tenn could just ignore him and wake up like this didn’t mean anything. 

But it did, at least to him, and because of that, instead of staying still or pushing him away, he involuntarily winced when he suddenly felt Riku’s hand on his hip. 

“Even in a dream Tenn-nii is so serious…” Riku laughed quietly. 

If he hoped for an answer to that he managed to look pretty neutral about not getting it.   
At least until he suddenly turned his head to look directly into Tenn’s eyes.

That look in his eyes—if it didn’t give Tenn the feeling Riku was about to say something he’d better not hear—he would describe it as beautiful in a scary way. Because it made him feel vulnerable, like maybe his facade wasn’t as firm as he liked to believe and Riku could see through him.

“Maybe it’s because Tenn-nii in the real world would do the same thing but…” Riku came closer and his hand slid down his thigh, the sensation sending a shiver down Tenn’s spine.   
“It’s okay if it’s just us two here, isn’t it?” 

Suddenly his expression looked genuinely troubled like he was just barely held back by the fear of messing up.

Was his subconscious now trying to guilt trip him or what? 

Well, needless to say, it worked.   
Even when he thought he was long over being affected by seeing Riku like this, something inside him, that couldn’t bear to watch the sad restraint Riku put on himself, surrendered to the desire of holding him close.

For just one other second Tenn stayed still, considered the mistake he was about to make and did it anyway.

“Maybe,” he whispered, pulling Riku closer by his hip. “It’s just a dream in the end.”

The feeling of their lips meeting should have tasted bitter to Tenn.   
As a reminder that he lost to himself and did what he had been avoiding all this time. The wrong thing.  
But it didn’t. Instead it was sweet in a way that made him question how he even lived without this feeling all these years when Riku was right in front of him. So sweet that it felt like something broke and he wasn’t sure if it was the wall he put up or his own heart.

And for the first time in years Tenn wished he could hold onto the dream—no, hold onto Riku—when his vision became blurry as the dream came to an end.

Now all that’s left of the ecstatic feeling from earlier is the rhythmical pounding of his heart and his own voice in his head repeating that one sentence over and over again. 

_“It’s just a dream in the end.”_

That’s right. Just a dream. Nothing more than a stupid fantasy. 

And yet it feels like he committed a grave mistake.   
No matter how often he tries to reassure himself, the voice in his head that he managed to ignore all these years keeps telling him that this meant more. And that it was wrong. 

Since in the end, there’s no excuse.   
Because he liked it and even now, looking at the stars through his bedroom window, Tenn knows as soon as he closes his eyes Riku will be there again and he will deny everything that happened tonight.

* * *

Meanwhile, Riku’s breath is fast and flat.   
Not in an uncharacteristic way. More the kind of fast and flat that would make the people around him nervously ask “Are you okay? Can you breathe?”, thinking he was about to have an attack. 

But he’s alone in his room and, thankfully, spared from explaining the true reason behind his breathlessness. 

Because although some people like to give him the feeling that he doesn’t understand anything, he does know that bluntly saying “Tenn-nii kissed me” might not be the best idea and much less a good explanation.

That’s something he maybe would’ve said at twelve or something. If Tenn had kissed him back then.   
He never did. Even when Riku asked for it and even though Riku knows he thought about doing it. 

Like sometimes, when Tenn thought Riku was already asleep and he would lean over him and stay there for a few seconds.   
At first Riku thought he was just checking his breath but at some point Tenn’s lips were hovering so dangerously close above him that he could almost feel their skin touching already.   
And then, when Riku was about to close the gap between them and open his eyes, Tenn retreated. As if nothing happened, he stepped back and hastily left the room.

Riku still isn’t sure if it was because Tenn noticed he was awake by the way his breath hitched or if there was another reason.   
But either way, there’s no way he can compare that to what happened tonight.

What happened tonight _in a dream_ , Riku corrects himself.   
Not really for the sake of correctness. He knows that “those” dreams are more than just that. He’s not sure if Tenn knows though. 

Even if he does, Tenn wouldn’t talk about it and even Riku knows better than to tell someone he’s been sharing dreams with his brother since they were kids.   
No one would believe him. 

And that’s why he keeps the dreams as his little secret, collecting the memories of them like tiny jewels in a sacred box. 

If it was like that, tonight would probably be ruby. Or maybe rose quartz; those have a pretty color. 

In the end, gemstone or not, Riku will keep this memory close to his heart, engraving the details to make sure he won’t forget any of them. 

The way Tenn was shaking under his touch, even if just for a moment.   
The feeling of Tenn’s lips on his when he finally gave in.   
And the look in his eyes when he did. Like he finally crossed an invisible line that had always been between them. 

If it’s for that, it’s worth losing his breath, Riku thinks.

(Although he knows Tenn would certainly not support that statement.)

And if it’s for that he can keep quiet for a little longer. 

Maybe, even, he thinks, looking at the night sky outside, he would get to see that face of his again. The one that leaves no doubt that he still loves Riku the way he did back then. 

(He does, right? There’s no way he doesn’t... Right?)

**Author's Note:**

> theres nothing i can say to defend myself here. i just write tennriku in pain because thats all i can do.   
> thank you for reading until here


End file.
